Stop Sabotaging your Dreams
Updated: Apr 19
There is no perfect time to begin working toward your goals. Take a deep breath and start.
S.M.A.R.T Goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-Based) are proven and useful. Now what happens when even knowing what to do and doing what you know, is still an issue? Are you self-sabotaging?
Self-sabotage is the minds way of defending itself. We probably don’t even realise that self-sabotaging has become a habit; It’s our way of safeguarding against goals success – fear of success.
First, we need to recognise that we are even indulging in the habit, as it is a self-defensive machination, so you may believe you are protecting yourself, rather than harming.
Check the reasons they are part of our habits: stress, negativity and lack of self-worth are just some of the reasons we stop ourselves from working towards our goals.
Small meaningful changes will help break negative habits. 'If small changes work, I’m going to change the biggest ones first!'
I have had this conversation with myself many times, always knowing that it would not be advisable to make huge changes all at once. Knowing I would become overwhelmed, and I would stop trying.
Another acronym I have found for sabotaging working goals is H.A.L.T risk states – Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired; My trigger was usually being overtired, working when the family had gone to bed, telling myself 'As a night-owl, I work better at night' or 'I like the silence of working in the early hours of the morning' but I still had to get up at 5:30 – 6:15, so all I was doing was working with depleted energy.
There is a phrase that is often quoted by Iyanla Vanzant which is written in 'A Course of Miracles' by Helen Schucman.
When you give to others to the degree that you sacrifice yourself, You make the other person a thief.
We convince ourselves that all tasks have to be done by us; which can lead to HALT, that leads to negative thoughts, which in turns leads to self-sabotaging our goals.
My one small change was to monitor my sleep patterns – getting enough rest, for me, is crucial for my wellbeing. I listened to a two-part podcast – Feel Better Live More with Dr Rangan Chatterjee – Podcast Series 1 - Episode 26 & 27 as he talks with a world-renowned Sleep Researcher, Matthew Walker about his book 'Why we Sleep’. A fascinating insight into all the adverse effects lack of sleep can have on our productivity and physical & mental health.
Create a 90-day plan – a visual goal map.
Detail a list of the tasks of what needs to happen over the next 90 days. An idea for me was to make my first 90-day goal a project – attainable within 90 days. Break the tasks into 30 days target; this will allow the plan to be manageable and not to become overwhelmed, whilst still making progress.
While you are setting out your next 30 days, work out the resources you could incorporate to help you with your target. There are a large number of podcasts, books, webinars and YouTube videos that can help you but don’t avoid calling on professionals to help you maximise the time you have set out. They can even become part of a group that holds you accountable, like peer coaching.
Call in resources to help lighten the load. Professionals, like virtual assistants, will get the targets done at a higher level, and you get the completed task, allowing you to get the gift of your time back, then you work with the results they produce.
For instance, if your goal is to write a book, your resources could help you research publishers, research agents, grow your social media project or even create graphics for your social media.
Finally, choose who you tell about your goals, as not everyone will be encouraging or wish you well. You need to build your support team carefully, as the right people will keep you accountable.
Believe in your progress.